ah what a wasted day at school today. reached school late, then went for maths (the only useful lesson today lol). after that had like 3+ hours of free period, cos mr low didn't come and econs was useless. then went for GP. played my hp game lol.
at least after school went subway to eat! saw yuheng and raffles there lol, with a whole bunch of unrecognisable rv guys. and it was fun talking about a certain someone! :p

now that's the end of my week at school. next 3 days not going school, mugging at home. maths and econs. hopefully can finish in time for next wk's papers! wonder how the class size will turn out tomorrow haha. mrs teai would be shocked.

the rain after school was so unwelcome. after a long week, what weather to end it off. gloomy gloomy.
hmm nowadays no one seems to be going online anymore. it's like a drought of people. must be all mugging, and cutting down on such activities. maybe i should do so too, but i feel so connected to the com that whenever i come home, i just must switch it on and load facebook. haha. addiction.

looks like i won't be going to school much next week. need the time for focused revision of econs and maths, both very scary topics in my opinion, considering i haven started on either (and have forgotten everything). and yet again the stressful period looms. just hope i'll turn out alright.

life in njc. has it all been good? it's about this time when u start to look back at these 2 years, and what it has done to your life. so fast, and everything's ending, just about when it started. orientation, coming into njc, seemed like yesterday. and then the fast pace of school life, brings it to an end quickly. now it's time for the a levels, and then we'll all go separate ways. it would also be the end of the 'planned' education years for all singaporean children, and now up to us to decide where to go onwards.
what a big decision, and how old we are now. we are on the brink of stepping out of our child/youth days, and learn what it means to be an adult. to make decisions, to work. and the end of meeting day to day friends in school. separation is inevitable, and yet, i don't want this to end.

the end of a phase of our lives, and the start of another. what a big difference it will be next year.

and so the cruise is confirmed. 9-11dec on superstar virgo! five stars tours rocks. though the travel agent in charge didn't really know much and had to keep asking her colleague. lousy. oh and the raffles city auntie anne's chocolate pretzel was like so nice. cravings haha.

ah sian i've been feeling this way for some time already. when u do more of something, u get more uncertain. because u find more uncertainties that make u feel that u don't actually know how to do it. that's what's happening with all my 4 subjects sian. especially maths. i just can't find the faith in maths anymore. i've been disappointed too many times before. and i'm so unsure that i can't go on without having to refer to the answers every now and then when i'm practising. it's so horrible. argh.

what can i do? i'm not sure. i'm just doing what i can.

today after school went to people's park complex with mel and mandy to try to find better offers for the cruise. turns out the original five stars one got the cheapest deal. argh but then the date is a concern. especially for me. i dunno whether i can pass my napfa sian.

so tired now. yesterday PTM, walk so much. today, again walk so much. my legs really sore now. and i have no mood to do maths. argh i always feel this way after a day at school. wish school would just close down. and i'm sure all of us would do better in our prelims. oh whatever. its 21 days left. gotta do it.

wah just ended the duty at PTM. wah sian it was quite interesting bah, but really really tiring. finding teachers, guiding parents, everything took alot of effort. legs totally jellied after the thing. think my stamina's down lol. anyway had a talk with ms ng haha with weesiang. sucks i think i really considered slacking now compared to other people. haven done the SAJC and RJC prelim papers also. ahh i promised her i would do tonite, but now i'm so freaking tired.

and the cruise lol. hope everyone can go. then it'll be real fun. but up till then, i'm still thinking of prelims argh. how i'm gonna survive with 22 days left. i'm so dead. help. and if only my body didnt need so much sleep, perhaps i could work a little harder with the time i give up sleeping. argh jiayou bah!

haha went to prima tower near vivo today to eat lunch. it's the only revolving restaurant in singapore. was fun seeing the skyline change as we ate lol, from the telok blangah flats to the port of tanjong pagar to sentosa to vivocity. and the food was good. haha.

okay and tomorrow's a return to boring old school life. at least today there is a holiday. and yesterday's ndp was nice haha! a break from the past, with music throughout the whole parade. plus the fireworks were nice. (:

oh and chelsea won the community shield!!! :D

hmm saw this very interesting note by someone on facebook. apparently i've ever thought of this kinda things before, and as i was reading, i kinda understood what the guy was trying to get at.

--
"What if one day, you disappear from your school, your ministry without a word, without a sound. Would it make a difference to anyone? Would anyone chase after you, or dismiss your missing as nothing but mere backsliding?

When the world tells you how much they can't count on their 'brothers' and their 'girlfriends', what would you believe? When dreams placed in your life are dismissed as just being early or even you don't know if it's real... what would you do?

Are you just a function? A button people press to activate a device, like 'i need encouragement' or 'please get this ready tomorrow'. Do you think you're more than that? Or perhaps being a function IS your identity?

The ones who are at the bottom are lifted up by graciousness, the ones who are at the top are pruned and nurtured to be great marks of history... but what happens to those in-between?

Perhaps it is not the lowly who are more marginalised, but those who are stuck in-between."
--

identity. that is all there is to it. are you that important to others such that when you disappear, people actually question your whereabouts? are you just a tool of convenience that people use just cos you're available? or are you more than that, someone who is a friend in more ways than one? and are you being made to feel less important just cos you are neither at the top or at the bottom? is this what the education system is trying to drive at?

questions, all without answers. you'll never know until you find out. cos you can't make yourself. it is what others say that make you. cos ultimately, you don't live for yourself. you live for others.

haha today's NDC was quite crappy. the parade in the morning was funny, the house performances were lame, and the singing was horrible. although i have to admit the guy sang fairly well in english.
anyway well now is the mugging weekend. must not waste this long weekend away since it comes rarely.

and haha i've added my twitter feed above. for your viewing pleasure. (:

national day celebrations tomorrow! no lessons. a break from the mundane. thankfully i'll have this whole weekend to study and catch up with everything. (:

no regrets. that's all i hope for. and being around weesiang it's hard to be quiet. u just can't. he's too influential in the noisy way. haha. and such a good friend he is. he can always make me laugh.

no one seems to understand. but i didn't expect anyone to, anyway. its complex. but thanks if u tried. seems like i should just drop out of jc now. its useless to continue anyway. and then maybe i should have made the right choice all along. a poly diploma doesn't seem so bad. what have i done? wasted my life. they don't even believe in me, what's the point of carrying on? and what makes teachers capable of teaching if they don't even care about how u do and hold a biased attitude towards u? giving up seems like a better option. than to continue this misery and end up with more misery. and i hope those teachers don't screw up any more students with what they've been showing. i don't want anyone else to feel the same way as me, its just not right.

... and a little time to think ...

haha! tennis today was fun! but its the first and last time i'll get to play it! haha today was phototaking. in the morning, kahhan, weesiang and me style hair lol. then was like so cool using moving rubber. much better to style than my wax at home lol. and kahhan looked shuai-er lol.