LET'S MUG

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

9:08 PM

let's see, i think i shall blog today. since people have been asking me to blog hor.

went seoul garden at ngee ann city after school half day today, had a good and massively filling lunch with the class. plus some weird camera shots and the loads of laughter we had. it was really enjoyable, supposedly to be an end-of-prelims celebration, though it was long over haha. and then the poking of tofu, the frying of dry ice, and of course, not to forget, the celebration of the sept/oct birthdays! haha it was funnn. and i realised some girls can just eat alot alot. girls ownage, guys pwnage.

walked to ion orchard for a wee bit after the lunch, and then headed home. but not after looking at the crazy guy that gina is so crazy over. and of course she took a ton of pictures with that cardboard life-size picture of the guy. wow girls like gina are just so crazy.

and as it goes, its soon then school's gonna be over. but not after the incessant consolidations and whatever crap that's boring me out. as it is, my prelims are really screwed, so i have to really go for it. and i hope i'll still be surviving at the end. it's a journey of life and death.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

10:40 PM

ah my foot is finally sorta ok. went for some cutting (or rather digging) of my foot last saturday, cos i got some kinda stupid viral ward. then was kinda limping for the past few days. tonite went to remove the big bandage and now it's almost ok, in the sense that i can walk almost normally. but for it to heal, maybe a few long weeks more.

hmm and i thoroughly enjoyed my last few days of holidays. watch tv, on facebook, just enjoying away, though i was supposed to study. but i was too lazy lah. argh wonder when then i'll get into the mood. but tomorrow i shall study. (:

hmm and recently few ppl have been coming online or on facebook. must be the mugging disease.

Friday, September 4, 2009

9:20 PM

why is maths so difficult. almost everyone said the paper was easy, and yet i'm on track to fail. i just don't know why i can't see some things when it's so easy to see. and then it prevents me from doing the question. maybe it's due to the lack of practice again. but i actually know that i definitely spent more time on maths than econs, instead the results are the opposite. just like the common tests. and it just keeps denting my confidence in maths, till i don't even have the will to try solve a question anymore.

today i was like restless after an hour, seeing all the 'cannot be done' questions in front of me. yet i tried to solve the questions one by one, to no avail. lapses of concentration just kept pulling me away from the paper itself, and i found it so hard just to find the strength to continue to try out the questions. in the end, i just counted my confident marks, and it amounted to a paltry 35/100. i really hope i can do better in the stats paper to pull me up, but the stats paper still consists of 40% pure maths sian. why why why.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

1:06 PM

yesterday night, the longest i ever stayed up during exam period. 3.30am. but even so, i didn't manage to study finish econs. nvm today i think i did well enough to pass. and now i'm so so tired, so i guess i'm gonna sleep first. maths tomorrow. hope it's not another horror story.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

2:10 PM

well, gp's over. i dunno how i did, just hope it would be pleasing in the sight of the gp tutor who marks my paper. as usual, i took really long in deciding my essay topic, all of them i have no confidence in. but i just chose one which i thought would be the safest, which was the income inequality one. compre wise, i have no comments.

now up for econs and maths. just feel so numb towards both. i hope i can at least read finish my notes. then i can only hope for the best.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

12:36 AM

feeling really down now. i just dunno why i'm so like that. despite everything, i just can't study fully. or maybe it's cos i'm not trying. maybe i've been giving myself excuses all this while. just thinking of the scenario at the release of Alvl results next year at the rate i'm going makes me tear. i mean like, next year, thinking of yourself just getting the results slip, unfolding it, one glance at the horrible grades, then running out of the hall, searching for a place to hide, to cry, to just physically remove myself from the world. and just thinking of that person, that person that would follow me, comfort me, provide shoulders for me to cry on, it's just so saddening.

i really dunno what has happened to me this 2 years. isit cos of the environment? or the way i've been influenced. it's so scary. so horrifying to think that this couldn't have been the case 2 years ago when Olvls were around.

and then i decided to try this app on facebook. it's called 'On This Day, God Wants You To Know...'

this is what it returned me:

On this day of your life, Joseph, we believe God wants you to know...
... that to worship God you must go beyond words to speak with your heart.

You can mouth the words of a prayer all day long and just waste your time, unless you also speak with your heart. And to speak with your heart means to embody first. If you pray for love, be loving. If you pray for wealth, be generous. If you pray for health, practice health yourself. What is your favorite prayer? How can you begin to embody it?

and it just totally stumped me with what it returned. of how long i've been actually praying futile prayers without doing anything concrete. of how i've been giving up on God when the prayers are not answered. of how far i am from Him that i didn't care. of how now, i pray for Him to help me in prelims when i don't even work hard and slack most days away.

i am so emotionally unstable now, and worried for my prelims and As. just want to use every minute tomorrow and hope that God would do a miracle. for you will when you believe.

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