cool! RV's new campus at boon lay is so freaking awesome! just saw pictures taken by some teacher on facebook, i assume they had some kinda tour. and the place is like super new and super nice and super enormous, just totally great for a new school. wish i wasn't so old, then i could enjoy it haha. but surprisingly although it's white-based, it has very little blue or red on the facade. rather, the buildings are covered by mostly grey. but it still looks neat. the canteen is huge, the hall is even larger, and the parade square is like gigantic. there's the cool synthetic grass covered field, and garden on the roof, tennis court on the roof, and lecture theatres that aren't that huge (which is good). and the motto and 'RVHS' are like morphed into the architecture, which is nice. there are like gardens and ponds between classroom blocks, and a really cool staffroom which has 2 levels, and a circular staircase in the centre of it. ah, describing it just makes me wanna go there. RV students are so luckyyy!

this is cool.

it's been hard to feel worried for any exam, especially after 2 years in jc. yet it's now nearing As, and i don't seem to grasp the feeling of anxiety yet. it's like, words from my mouth say i'm worried, yet in my heart and mind, i don't really feel anything. life just keeps going on, and i take it in my stride. but i want to worry, i want to feel stressed, i want to just have exam pressures again, just one more time. without it, i'm afraid i can't do well for As, i really need the anxiety.

it's been a rather horrific day for me. 11 dec 2009, NS enlistment. no cruise. no enjoyment. why must it come so early? something to look forward to after the Alvls just disappeared in the blink of an eye. and yet, with all that's going on these past few days, i really can't bear it anymore. 2 years back, and i would have been emotional, i would have surely acted different. but yet i've grown so cold-hearted and hard that i can't feel anymore. no feeling, no emotions. just a heart devoid of expression. i know i did the right thing. surely voicing opinions cannot be wrong, can it? what's more, it really isn't something false. i believe in what i believe is right. and it is time that someone made a stand, than allow a typical stubborn child to get his way with sensible adults giving in. putting it down to three things, self pity, self denial, self centeredness.

experiences do not maketh the man, but yet they influence ourselves. many ppl say that the place that defines you is either your sec sch, or your jc. after 2 years in njc, i still have to admit, rv was the place that defined me. it is just so hard to describe rv. the people there are just unique in a certain way, and each is not afraid to be pals across ccas, across classes. rv left me with wonderful memories, extraordinary friends who will stay with me for a long time. moulding my character, my personality, rv has made me who i am today. compare this with njc. much of njc life is not really pleasant, meeting all sorts of horrible people who have destroyed me in some way or another. despite this, there are of course some friends in njc that are different from the rest, and these i treasure. there is just some sort of uneasiness between people in njc, no such camaraderie that i can identify with. and yet, in these 2 years, i can say i've been a worse person than i was 2 years ago, due in part to the negative external influences that have blighted my stay in njc. graduating out of njc, i don't really give a damn, no feelings, nothing. compare this to graduating out of rv, and it's a whole different story. sadness, a sense of loss, that was rv. i couldn't bear to leave the school and part with my friends. while njc, what the heck. i don't feel anything for this school that has in fact not equipped me with much, rather most of njc life is unfortunately forgettable. someday i shall look back at my youth, and i would definitely say, rv has defined me.

i decided i've gotta post, after what apparently has happened.

so, it's finally reached october. the last stretch onto the defining moment. all the stress, hard work (or not), everything culminates now. it's also the time jc life ends. bittersweet.

let's see, i think i shall blog today. since people have been asking me to blog hor.

ah my foot is finally sorta ok. went for some cutting (or rather digging) of my foot last saturday, cos i got some kinda stupid viral ward. then was kinda limping for the past few days. tonite went to remove the big bandage and now it's almost ok, in the sense that i can walk almost normally. but for it to heal, maybe a few long weeks more.

why is maths so difficult. almost everyone said the paper was easy, and yet i'm on track to fail. i just don't know why i can't see some things when it's so easy to see. and then it prevents me from doing the question. maybe it's due to the lack of practice again. but i actually know that i definitely spent more time on maths than econs, instead the results are the opposite. just like the common tests. and it just keeps denting my confidence in maths, till i don't even have the will to try solve a question anymore.